I thought I was losing her.

She was stripping ahead of me. Not that I needed to be ahead, but she plunged headlong into waters I couldn't understand. I wanted to be with her always. I told her things that no one else knew, and did things that made me rethink what I had always known.

She told me of the symbolism in hair-cutting, and I, who have never cut my own hair, watched as she cut hers.

I knew then with startling contradiction, as I saw the clippings in the sink, that I would never lose her. That outstrip me and venture beyond the boundaries of my understanding she might, I would always be with her, and she with me.

My salvation, my light.

With her, I am never dissatisfied, but content in whatever the day chooses to be. An hour, a few, a day or a week, time doesn't matter. When we do nothing, it is everything. Beautiful and spontaneous and appealing.

We are not soulmates. We are more. We are two wholes, with patches placed there by each other, not to heal the wounds inflicted by this world, but to repair them and make us better than what they were. Fulfilling completion. We aren't the same. No, we are reflections of each good thing we have to offer, thrown together by circumstance and held together by love.

We are everything that is good and right, and all that is dark and frightening. I don't fear tomorrow because I have her, and whether it be dark or light, we shine together.

Shine.

I'm in humanities checking my email. And stuff. Cause I got out of theory and I'm really tired but I have opera and chamber choir and I have to pee okay bye.

Stolen from a previous Emily xanga post:

i am not: perfect (obviously)
i love: completely
i hate: being overwhelmed by the things I love
i hope: my life will be meaningful and fulfilling
i hear: life as a Coldplay dreamscape
i regret: nothing. if you spend your life in regret, you become to wrapped up and cautious to live
i cry: when I think of all the beauty surrounding me
i care: about so much. my family and friends and even those I don't know. Someone has to care
i'm always: poetic
i long to: be myself truly, not funny to be accepted
i feel alone: always. Even when I'm not, I'm alone inside me
i listen: to my heart when I must
i hide: from responsibility
i drive: as far and long as possible
i sing: constantly. It's my life.
i dance: to music only I hear
i write: beautiful things.
i breathe: beauty
i play: always. Life shouldn't be taken too sreiously, or else you miss it
i miss: my carefree youth. which I never had, but I should have
i search: for beauty in vision and sound. for love, and friends, and a reason...
i learn: from life experiences
i feel: lonely yet loved. My walls will break one day. Maybe.
i say: funny things.
i succeed: often, but not without help.
i fail: when I try to go it alone
i dream: and do not let them be crushed. I'm still singing, aren't I?
i sleep: too much. So much life to live and things to do...
i wonder: what twenty, thirty, fifty years will bring
i want: to be happy
i worry: when I let myself
i have: my family always.
i give: as much of myself as I can
i fight: for my sanity. for my strength.
i wait: for the day when all I dream comes true
i am: beautiful inside and out
i think: I'll be okay
i can't help the fact that: I'm faulty.

It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. How marvelous. Thank you to those who brought it out in me. And congratulations Rachel! I just read about Biola. Night.

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN, FOLKS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL FOREMAN

Right. So Monday night I'm at work (Godfather's Pizza for all who don't know), and this guy calls on the phone. Jessica answers, gives her schpiel, and the guy on the phone responds with "yeah, I'd like a pizza with all the bullshit on it." She outs him on hold to tell me and Netosha what he said, and we laugh really hard about it. She gets back on the phone with him, then we start cracking jokes.
Me: "Sir, we only serve that on full moons and Fridays."
Net: "Is it a Wiccan holiday? Oh, then we don't have it."
Me: "How about a Pagan holiday celebrating the sun? Ooooo, nope."
Then, as I walk by the phone, I stick my face in the phone and say "Sir, we're now serving cowpies."

HAHAHAHAH. Whoa. Then on the phone, he starts telling Jess about how he's getting married and his fiancee is picking up her ring, and he got stuck cat and dog sitting and how pizza was his one consolation. Then he says "Oh, this is for delivery" and Jess says, "I'm sorry sir, but we stop delivering at eight thirty." He replies,

"DAMN IT! DAMN IT ALL! THAT'S IT, THAT'S JUST IT!"

And hangs up.

Fin.

RACHEL.... what was I going to post about. I can't remember now. Shoot.

HALLLLO there. Great night. Went to a local concert, which I figured would suck, but I was there to support the lead singer, and it was actually really good. Acoustic guitar with amazingly hot guy playing and singing (really well) started it, a skit, then the band I was there to see. They did tons of cover stuff, but it was awesome. Afterwards we went for a game/movie night to Hannah's place, which is a one room former schoolhouse. That was also really cool. Except for the slight ladybug invasion issue. But it had every convenience, and was sweet. Anyway, I'm off to bed, so I'll talk at you all later. Oh, and I leave for Reno in six days. Marvelous. Night.

Wow, update. I haven't been getting much sleep, due to theory homework. Which sucks, especially when you forget to print it and didn't save the changes, so three hours goes down the toilet since you had nothing to turn in. Reno is coming up in another two weeks, which is cool, even though I can't gamble. I also need to find the time to file my taxes. I want the sun to come back. Winter should have been wintery, but since it wasn't, does that really mean that our spring has to be dismal and wet? Ah well. On with life. And now, I have school. So peace.